The first layer of the self-awareness onion is the what - it's your emotions - what you are feeling right now. Most of us can identify these, though we do have our blind spots, as growing up we were told that some emotions were inappropriate. The second layer of the onion is the why - it's our ability to ask why we feel the things we do. These why questions are often linked with what we regard as success or failure and asking the why questions helps us to understand the cause of the emotion - and only once we understand the root cause then we can do something to change it. Right in the middle of the onion are our personal values and standards - this is the way we view and judge ourselves and others. Mark Manson in The Subtle Art ... says that this layer is the most important, because our values determine the nature of our problems, and in turn this determines the quality of our lives.
In Dilts' model, change has to happen at more than one level. For example if you change the environment or behaviour this may simply be a form of compliance - for sustainable change to be made you have to tap into more than one level. If you want to change behaviour, you need to focus on capabilities. If you want capabilities to change, then you need to first focus on beliefs and values.
Back to Mark Manson again. He writes, "If you want to change how you see your problems, you have to change what you value, and/or how you measure failure and success." He goes on to write about how you need to give up the false gods of pleasure, material success, always being right and always being positive - in fact what we need to do is to confront your problems, rather than avoid them.
The next chapter is about choice. I've been exploring choice this year with a new focus on agency in the enhanced PYP. I'm looking forward to reading and sharing this chapter soon.
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